Today was our second news writing session, and we're already topping the BBC's top lines.
Learning from your own and others mistakes is the best way of improving, I can prove that by sharing with you the top three tips I took from today's session:
1. Keep it simple, no one wants to read overly complicated and discombobulating words
e.g Use the word "car" not "vehicle"
2. Choose language carefully, make sure that what you are writing is not misleading and therefore wrong.
3. Do not put unnecessary words in, avoid baggage and keep words where possible minimal.
e.g Fresh Fish Sold Here - all you need is "Fish"
Here is the article I wrote:
Learning from your own and others mistakes is the best way of improving, I can prove that by sharing with you the top three tips I took from today's session:
1. Keep it simple, no one wants to read overly complicated and discombobulating words
e.g Use the word "car" not "vehicle"
2. Choose language carefully, make sure that what you are writing is not misleading and therefore wrong.
3. Do not put unnecessary words in, avoid baggage and keep words where possible minimal.
e.g Fresh Fish Sold Here - all you need is "Fish"
Here is the article I wrote:
A 13-year-old boy has been confirmed dead after a collision between a Land Rover and pedestrian yesterday afternoon.
Police and emergency services arrived at the scene at 2pm where they found the young boy from Crowsborough suffering from serious injuries. He later died in East Surrey Hospital. The driver and his passengers are uninjured.
A 62-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of careless driving. Further enquires are due to follow but he has been released on bail until January 16th, 2012.
Officers ask anyone with information who witnessed the collision to inform Sussex Police on 101. Please quote Operation Fairlight.
The BBC's version can be found here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-15976552
After re-reading my article, I would remove the last para after it was brought to our attention how silly it is to ask for witnesses. If you happen to be at the scene and are a good citizen, course you would inform someone, you wouldn't walk away and leave it up to a newspaper article to make you realise you should actually let someone know. I hope!
After re-reading my article, I would remove the last para after it was brought to our attention how silly it is to ask for witnesses. If you happen to be at the scene and are a good citizen, course you would inform someone, you wouldn't walk away and leave it up to a newspaper article to make you realise you should actually let someone know. I hope!
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